Google+ Bree Bronson's Babies: Just like mom

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Just like mom

Mom in the 60's
When I was about six months pregnant expecting Son I passed a mirror with my baby belly and wearing glasses. I had already gained some weight. My Mother looked back at me from the mirror. I thought it was funny and started thinking whether I'm ending up to be like my mom. I always thought I would. As a teenager I looked up to Mother and disliked many things Father did. I was always mommy's girl although I was told repeatedly how I remind people of Father a lot.

Some years ago Mother became ill and when they finally found the reason after examining her for several months she ended up having a big surgery. Mother fully recovered from the surgery but the following depression took her with it. She has never become herself again. When Mother was in the hospital after the surgery I thought that I'm too young to be without my mom. Some time later I realized that she doesn't after all exist anymore. The person I used to know just isn't there, it's a complete stranger talking back to me. For many years we have been hoping that she would get better and at the end we realized she doesn't even want to. The depression has become a perfect shield for her and an excuse for not doing anything she finds displeasing. She never returned to work and stopped taking care of herself. She does exactly the same things every day. The sadest thing I find still is that she isn't reliable anymore. The amount of mumbo-jambo she speaks is astronomical and she seems to have lost her ability for empathy.

I felt sad for a long time, then I sort of let her go. I accepted that she's gone. We meet regularly and there are better days as well, but there's no going back. There's something good in this too, I think. I guess I've become more independent. And I understand that all those people were right: I'm quite much like Father. Not only do I look like him, we're alike personality-wise as well. Whether that's a good or bad thing is still a mystery for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you say it, I'll hear you.