Google+ Bree Bronson's Babies: January 2013

Thursday, January 31, 2013

All by myself

Daughter has come to an age when she wants to do everything by herself. Eating, putting her clothes on, climbing to her cot and brushing her teeth among other tasks take ages nowadays. She's constantly acting beyond her skills which I actually greatly admire. My thoughts started wondering and I ended up thinking why our society values such individualism that it does. Because in Finland you have to be able to do everything by yourself, otherwise you're considered to be weak. The individualistic thinking of today hits especially hard families with small children. Because taking care of small kids all by yourself is bloody tough.

I know what I'm talking about here. I needed to break down before I got any help with the kids. After Son and Daughter were born Husband was around during his paternity leave, three weeks. After that he vanished back to work and continued his life relatively the same that it used to be before the baby was born. I could never expect him to come home before 8 PM. So I was left home with a newborn baby and all housework and cooking. After Daughter was born I naturally also had a toddler to look after. The first time, when Son was born, I somehow managed although I was extremely tired and regretted having a baby in the first place. The second time I could do it for about three months before I collapsed.

When I had no power left to manage through the days by myself I started crying. Spontaneously, anywhere, without a specific reason. Most often alone or with the kids though. I stayed up during the night with Daughter and got up in the morning with Son. At last I was too tired to get out of bed in the morning. I yelled at Son and just hated my life in general. I told Husband how tired I was. He immediately responded with telling how extremely tired he was because of work. I stopped telling him because he obviously had it tougher than me. I told Mother but she was too busy with watching TV and surfing with her computer to really care. At last I broke down in front of Husband and the kids when we were supposed to leave on a trip. That woke Husband up. But instead of supporting or trying to help he started to blame me and considered himself as a victim. Still today I'm unable to understand his logic and if we will divorce one of these days this will be a major reason. For me it's really hard to accept that Husband gave me zero sympathy when I was having the toughest time of my life.

At the end it was both my and Husband's parents who saved us. They took care of Son so that I was able to concentrate on Daughter who was just a couple of months old. Husband continued blaming me and told me repeatedly how Son will suffer from this arrangement. I still disagree with him.

An Australian-Thai couple, friends of ours living in Australia, had a baby. When the baby was born, several relatives flew from Thailand to help the new family for a couple of months. When I heard about it I couldn't help thinking that we would have needed support just like that. But that's out of question in Finland. Here families are supposed to make it by themselves. It's considered inappropriate to put one's nose in anyone else's lives. In my opinion that's simply wrong. This culture of endless individualism will destroy families more than cancer.

For a new family there's nothing more important than practical help from friends and family. I was too proud or weak to cry loud enough to get help when I needed it. You others - don't make the same mistake. I won't do it this time either.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The real marathon

I don't think they'll give me a medal this time
Once I discovered that running isn't that bad I quite soon started dreaming of running a marathon. That was probably partly because Sister had just run one and was overly enthusiastic about it - but there was something else too. It was probably an urge to challenge myself and try my limits, to see what it would feel like. And I simply wanted to know if I could do it.

It wasn't until a couple of months before the run when I was brave enough to sign up. I didn't train like crazy and my target was just to make it to the finish line, but sure enough: I prepared for almost four months and did a long (over 20 kilometers) run every week. And the closer the marathon day came, the crazier I felt. Many people asked me why I wanted to do it. I had few good answers, keeping fit wasn't one of them. It isn't really necessary from healthy exercising's point of view to run up to 30 kilometers at once.

One hour before the start on the competition day I was so nervous that I was sure I'd faint or throw up any minute. I didn't. Sister and her boyfriend were my cheerleaders during the run and drove with a scooter popping up every now and then to scream and shout. Best Friend and another friend of mine accompanied them at the stadium once I crossed the finish line. The feeling along the route was fantastic and it was unbelievable to meet everyone once the run was over. I could do it again, the feeling of winning myself alone was worth it.

Some time ago I got an e-mail from Helsinki City Marathon promoting this year's competition. I could sign up already and many people have asked me if I will. I don't think so. Because, as it seems now, around August 17th when the competition is run this year I'll be giving birth to our third child.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Next - sports news!

The arch enemies has fought
My Monday was a bit crappy before I saw this piece of news in today's newspaper. I hope it does the same thing for you. So yes, the headline translates "Cocks beat The Dick in a top match". And I'm way too childish to let it pass without laughing my ass off. Sure enough, the Cocks and The Dick are sports teams in handball (big sport among the Swedish speaking Finns) but come on! It would be enough just with The Dick but the Cocks is already too much.

What makes it even funnier in my opinion is that Swedish speaking Finns are often (at least in the capital area) almost trilingual. So there's no doubt that everyone knows exactly how funny the names are in English. I don't know, maybe the guys are just being humoristic. It is a male-dominated sport after all, eh.

Luckily Husband is equally childish like me so Son and Daughter will be joining neither Cocks nor The Dick. Good old ballet, music or icehockey will have to do.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Oh my, Dressmann

I told you earlier how Gillette had the most amazing ad on TV with Adrien Brody, Andre 3000 and Gael Garcia Bernal. I will never become immune to goodlooking guys, that's no secret. Plain male nudity won't do it for me, the guy will need to have that something in his eyes so that I would be impressed. Great body and no shirt is of course a plus.

After just seeing next-to-naked-unbelievable-goodlooking-guys on TV I have to give the same credit to Dressmann:


 It's not the first time Dressmann catches my eye with their ads. I think Mick Jagger is hot still today so a young Jagger will turn my head anytime. So, not bad at all! Dressmann has realized that it's worth selling the clothes to the engineers' wives because the engineers couldn't care less themselves! And we've got a win-win situation here because I like what I'm seeing. Yeah.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Free vacation

Free vacation for everyone in need. I'm there already
Sister had a wonderful trip to Thailand some time ago and was showing off with this photo. I just came across it and was thinking of Best Friend who said they too are considering a trip somewhere warm now that it's horribly cold up here. I'm jealous - no chance we would be traveling anywhere this winter. We just don't have the money. And it's not so straightforward otherwise either with the food restrictions we carry with us.

So I did the next best thing and looked at the photo dreaming I would be on the beach with a mojito in my hand. Folks, it helped! I feel better already. So here you go, a cheap ticket to paradise. I just came from here and it's wonderful. Send me a postcard!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Constructive feedback

Son is very sensitive and a professional drama king despite of his young age. Only a few words of critisism are needed and the offended peacock living inside Son will come out and sing loudly. Once this happens (basically every day) I will get constructive feedback. Here are my favourites:

- I only like dad, not you! (I know)

- You have no right to live in this house! (I disagree about that; there's actually black on white about it as well)

- I'm moving out! (Ok; you're aware of the prices of rental apartments around here, aren't you?)

- (when picking him up from daycare) Why are you here and not grandpa? I don't want to come with you! (According to the law me and Husband share custody over you, not Father. Sorry pal, put your shoes on.)

I of course laugh inside when a three-year old tells me all that but the confusing part is that he won't become any less silly about this no matter how old he gets. How do I know? Ladies and gentlemen, I have two offended peacocks in the house. Here are some of my favourites รก la Husband:

- (after having an argument with his dad) I'm going to kill myself!!! (Just bear in mind that we aren't getting any insurance money in that case.)

- (after I said something that offended him) I'll become a wino so I don't have to be responsible for everything like now. (Fine. Tell me when you start so we'll go out with the kids.)

- (during every argument) So you think I'm a selfish bastard, is that what this is about again?!? (I have said once that you're a selfish bastard, that's true. However, that was probably five years ago.)

Now, just take a moment trying to imagine the show we have at home. It's twice as bad. Husband has a specific peacock face he puts on while the drama is ongoing. Sometimes it's almost funny but give me a break, we're talking about a grown man here! And because Husband is so bloody sensitive it means it's never my turn to be moody. In case someone was still wondering why I'm bitching here.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Don't eat that thing

I've wanted to write about this for a longer time already, but I've been too fed up with the whole issue to be able to produce a piece text I could actually publish. So I've been working on this post for ages. Let's see how this goes now.

I used to think that I as a vegetarian and lactose-intolerant am always the one who is the pickiest about food in our family. Little did I know: the kids are. And oh, don't get me wrong, they would eat almost anything if they wouldn't get sick. It started around Son's first birthday.

I thought first that he'd caught a stomach flu. When the diarrhea had continued for some time I became worried. The doctor didn't think it was anything special. Neither did Husband who thought I was being hysterical. (Easy for him to say, he wasn't the one changing nappies all day.)

When Son was almost 2,5 years old I'd had enough. I had suspected that Son is allergic to something but I hadn't been able to come up with what. This time I was so determined when we visited the doctor that they took us seriously. After visiting a handful of other doctors and going through several tests we found out that Son was allergic to milk, wheat, rye and soya. Most of this I found out myself, the tests didn't show anything because Son didn't have "traditional" skin symptoms.

By this time Daughter had also been born and I'd noticed the same symptoms with her. Now I didn't wait anymore but went to the doctor straight away. I was probably so angry that we were taken seriously and Daughter was tested. She's worse off than Son and can't even eat rice. By this time, almost two years after Son's problems started, Husband started to believe me the first time. I was ready to divorce him right there.

Today I spend my days cooking, trying different foods for the kids to expand their diets and making sure no-one gives anything inappropriate to them. I once caught Father feeding cake to Daughter. She was sick for a whole week after that. The doctors have very varying attitudes, I'm fed up with most of them. Sometimes I'm bitter, sometimes I feel lucky when I come across with a mom whose kid doesn't grow because all he can eat is pear and cauliflower.

Why this rage and anger? Because no-one, no-one took me and the kids' problems seriously for 1,5 years. I was changing poop nappies all day (I won't bother you with details about the mess a toddler with constant diarrhea makes in the house) and a bunch of people were telling me it was normal. Those people included Husband, his parents, Mother and Father. I was completely alone on this quest and it made me nuts.

The thing I'm trying to say to all of you, especially to them whose kid has any special needs is: trust yourself. If you're the one taking care of the child most you will know when something's wrong. If the doctor disagreees, find another one. If medicine as a science isn't able to explain and diagnose something, it doesn't make the problem non-existing.

My mistake was to believe everyone else for too long. I will probably be bitter for that for the rest of my life.

Monday, January 21, 2013


Daughter will soon turn two. Yes, you guessed right: she's turned into a toddler monster. She screams, kicks, bites, hits and tries every existing and non-existing limit she can come up with. And she started celebrating this new phase of her life by taking a new word into use: no-no. A simple no won't do for her, it's got to be no-no.

I don't actually care too much because I've already seen all of this once with Son. Except that he used to be worse. I remember it like yesterday how it was to drag the stubborn (which he still is), yelling, poop-smelling boy with me when I was 8 months pregnant with Daughter. It was a nightmare and my pregnancy didn't make it any easier. (Husband is terrified about Daughter's behaviour and won't believe me at all when I remind him about how Son used to be at this age. I feel like also reminding him about that he was never at home to witness Son's behavior.)

Son - who obviously doesn't remember how he used to be at the age of two - is most terrified of Daughter's rage and screaming. He keeps asking me what the matter is and why Daughter is angry. He also thinks often that it's his fault. Man, this is hard to explain! How should I tell a three-year old that it's just a phase, it'll go over, it's not your fault, we'll try to help her if we can and if she doesn't want us around we'll just leave her alone for a moment? That's approximately what I've told him, but I don't really know if he understands the whole concept. I'm not sure if I do either.

Yesterday I told Son once again that it wasn't his fault when Daughter was screaming her head off. He looked at me and said "it's not your fault either, mom". I was so touched I almost cried. I just wish Husband would think the same way.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Bring it on!

"Get lost in the coldness!" "Bring it on, couldn't care less!"

That's approximately how the texts written in sand and snow translate in the picture. I can understand how tempted it would feel to brag about it huge time and send home the first picture if I would be somewhere warm and nice. And how the joke would be completely on me if guys back home would reply with the second picture.

I look at this one when the weather gets really freezing and miserable. It gives me the needed guts to survive the day. Today it was needed again - the temperature went down to - 24 C and the newspapers are writing that it's "dangerously cold". But hey, the sun came out so I couldn't care less. Bring it on! Have a nice weekend everyone!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Fashionable couple

It looks a bit like this. Photo:
I call clothes a hobby. I've always liked them. Even as a teenager when I couldn't afford to buy any. I recycled Mother's old clothes from the 70's and created a fashion of my own. Later on I started to buy clothes from my travels and expanded my wardrobe with items that couldn't be found in Finland. I still do that and if I don't get to travel I rarely buy anything new either.

Husband is, once again, another story. He couldn't care less about what he wears as long as he's somewhat comfortable. He sees clothing as a necessity since it isn't appropriate to go around naked. He can't imagine spending more than 50 € on jeans and discarding clothes because they've gone out of fashion isn't an option for him. We spent an evening in a restaurant once when we started to talk about our different views on clothing. When I confronted him about not really being a fashionist he was a bit offended and demanded an explanation. I pointed out that he was wearing his shirt backwards.

I sometimes wish Husband would share my excitement about fashion. Because now, although he follows me patiently to the stores, he is bored to death. If I ask for advice I'll get a "that's ok" and a sigh. Heck, I want honest opinions! Hot or not? So I don't shop with Husband unless we're traveling together. Or shop for him. So I need a gay friend who'll tell me the truth about stuff I try on.

Still the biggest reason for hoping that Husband would get a fashion wake up call is that I now need to hide items I buy. He'd go mental if he knew about all my purchases although it's my money I'm using. And I'm not even shopping that much, it's the difference of our views to fashion that causes the problem. So when I bought a Vivienne Westwood skirt I love for 350 € I had to smuggle it home and pretend I've had it for years. Luckily Husband can't tell whether it's true or not.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Witches and fairies explained

Damn, Son is smart. Or should I say picky about details. We read together every day and now he's grown so much that he can listen to a bit longer stories already. Full of excitement I picked a book with H. C. Andersen's tales and started reading. I was in trouble already after a couple of sentences when witches, fairies and other creatures you can't find in the zoo started coming in. You tell me how I'm supposed to tackle these questions:

- Why is the witch so wicked? (Well, she's probably been single and without sex for a very long time...?)

- How could the boys turn into swans all of a sudden? (Aww, maybe they're just hiding and the swans came from elsewhere...?)

- Why doesn't anyone like the ugly duckling? (Well I'm wondering the same thing, such stupid-ass folks.)

So thanks a bunch, Mr. Andersen. Not really a piece of cake to explain these to a boy who spends hours every day explaining his little sister in detail the differences between warthogs and pigs. Ok, maybe he's still a bit too small for these tales. But seriously, I have to start studying when Son wants explanations. And the Father Christmas story will be in serious test at the end of the year. When we read fact books (about nature and animals in particular) that can be explained with arguments from worlds of mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology and geography all is good. The explanations satisfy Son completely. The more abstract it gets, the more Son challenges everything he hears. So I'm dealing with a tiny engineer.

Husband mentioned that a friend of his had said that their three-year-old doesn't "luckily ask so tough questions yet that he'd need to google". When we were done laughing our asses off we started thinking what would be a bedtime story logical enough for Son. Finnish constitutional law? Finnish-Swedish dictionary? A cookbook? Gee, sometimes I wonder what that boy will grow up to be.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

May less be more

It was hard for me to come up with New Year's resolutions. Now I came up with something though I'll definitely try systematically this year.

I've always liked clothes and possessed a wardrobe larger than I'd need. And I want my clothes to look good, no (unintended) holes in my jeans and no tees that look worn out. This principle initiates a regular discarding process and I recycle clothes a lot. I've also noticed that if I invest in good quality clothes I may use them for 10 years. Cheap stuff might fly out after a couple of uses because they don't look or feel good anymore.

Last year I tried investing in couple of good-quality (read: so expensive I had to lie to Husband) clothes. Nothing fancy: shirts, jeans, jacket and other practical items for everyday use. It was absolutely worth it. I love everything I bought and they're still as good as new. And it helped me save money because I ended up buying less. I thought why I didn't buy as much. Simply because:

- I got stuff that I love so I didn't need anything new too soon

- I made more expensive purchases so I had to consider more before buying what I desired

- I learned how much better the more expensive clothes were in every way so I didn't even want to shop at the cheap chains

So, to the resolution: I will not shop crap this year. Not a single piece. Ask me in December if I made it but heck I'm motivated! And I recommend trying this at home too.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Rise and shine

I mentioned that I'm not a morning person. This is something that's been bugging me forever and will most probably bug me for the rest of my life. And I hate it. I totally envy people who wake up at 5 AM because they "didn't want to sleep anymore" and do all the housework before they go to work at 8 AM. Or why can't I at least be like Husband who falls asleep in the evening before his head hits the pillow and is able to wake up in the morning at a somewhat reasonable time?

I'm just hopeless. It takes me at least an hour to fall asleep in the evening and at least equally long to wake up in the morning. And yes, I've tried going to bed earlier. I won't fall asleep at all if I go to bed when I'm not yet tired enough. I've also tried forcing myself up early in the morning. I did that for almost a year because I wanted to see whether it's possible for me to change my inner clock. It wasn't. I forced myself to work to 7 AM every day and tried to go to bed earlier in the evening. I couldn't get any sleep in the evening and every week by Thursday I was so tired I felt like I was drunk. On weekends all I did was sleep. I've tried quitting coffee, eating/not eating different things in the evening and different excercise methods. By now I believe that I was born this way and I will die this way.

Luckily I'm not alone. Mother and my grandmother are exactly like me on this one. Mother will rarely get up before 10 AM and will definitely not go to bed before midnight. And the one who thinks old people get up and go to bed early should see my 80+ years old grandma. I never call her before noon because she hasn't gotten out of bed yet. Late in the evening is just fine. And the fourth generation of lousy sleepers is on its way: Daughter sings "twinkle twinkle little star" in her cot at least for half an hour every evening before falling asleep and will sleep considerably longer every morning than Son. Poor girl, mommy is so sorry about this.

I guess I'm grumpy about this just because I clearly wasn't around when the sleeping fairy visited. Or is there a magic trick for us who haven't had a good night sleep since 2007?

Saturday, January 12, 2013

No teamwork

Being a home mom is the loneliest job I've ever had. I'm used to project teams, matrix organisations, competence groups and personal development reviews in my life before kids. All this is history. In my current life the kids aren't committed to any kind of co-operation and positive feedback doesn't exist in their world. I discipline the kids (link** made in china)  and expect decent manners but I often feel that the society around me only talks about children's rights. When it comes to children's duties, I feel alone again.

I know that we should be a team as a family. On paper we are. In practice Husband is at work (link** daddy's at work) all the time and I'm the one responsible for the kids even when he's at home or we do something together as a family. When Husband isn't at work he's just too tired or uninterested to initiate anything with the kids.

My parents live near us and are willing to help. And I play that card really often, it has probably kept me sane. They don't really discipline the kids but I've let them have their rules in their house. Especially Father is the one who I can thank for many valuable moments for myself. Mother is eager to tell me what and how I should do but she's rarely ready to get her own hands dirty with the kids.

I never fit in with the other home moms although I've tried. I feel we have nothing else in common than the kids which makes a nice conversation for about two minutes. Some of the other moms seem to me like motherhood would be their only quality. That feels truly alien to me. Luckily there's one other mom who I'm on the same page with - Best Friend.

Son's daily favourites are telling me how he "only likes dad" or how he's moving out. It's hard to refrain from being sarcastic. It's even harder to keep my spirits up and believe that I'm not alone on this quest.

Thursday, January 10, 2013


Son goes to the toilet by himself. He's done it for some time now and quit using nappies. I'm more than excited, it makes my life so much easier. Still about a year ago I thought I'd never be able to say this. Son wasn't exactly eager to learn to do potty. This was a huge deal for us, really, and I was sure he'd be in his nappies still when he's going to school.

Not only does Son go to the toilet by himself, he also locks the door and wants to have privacy. After almost three years of nappy changing, washing and potty training with him I feel like a world champion of child-raising. A kid who goes to the toilet himself, hooray! And you know what people (here's a cliche for you): those little monkeys sweethearts do grow fast after all. Hear me on this one, I'm telling you.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Someone I used to date

Husband's ex attended our wedding with her husband. I go for a cup of coffee regularly with mine. Previous relarionships have never been a big deal for us and I'm happy about it. To me it would be ackward if we would never mention our exes. After all, we were both adults when we met. I would consider it weird if one or both of us wouldn't have a relationship history or if it would be a tabu. Also, if I want to share something with Husband that happened with my ex I'm glad I can do it without being afraid of making him mad. And I find it interesting as well to hear about Husband's life before he met me.

I'm relaxed about my exes probably because I'm 100 % over all of them and the relationships have ended rather peacefully. There's nothing I need to dwell in and Husband knows there will be no competition coming from my exes so he can be relaxed as well. Husband, however, has a slightly different story.

Many years ago when we hadn't been together that long Husband mentioned a girl he "used to date". He seemed a bit reluctant to tell more so I didn't ask anything. Over time I learned that they'd had a serious relationship but the girl had suddenly left him. He didn't understand why. Maybe because of this Husband is still clearly not over her. He's even got it tough to mention her name even though they've kept in touch.

I've sometimes thought what it would be like if I'd had a baggage like that to carry with me. I would want to sort it out. Husband clearly doesn't which is fine by me, it's his ex anyway. The interesting thought that remains is: what would Husband do it the girl would appear on our door step one of these days and say she wants him back? That one I'd really like to know.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Handy Housewife makes coffee

I'm not a morning person. I've never been one and I'll eat my hat if I ever become one. So my method for waking up in the morning is coffee. Strong coffee.

I don't, however, take my coffee for granted nowadays because I've learned how many different ways I can mess making my morning coffee.

I've forgotten coffee. I've forgotten water. I've forgotten to put the pot under the coffee maker. I've forgotten to close the box where the coffee is so I've gotten only water. I've forgotten to put the coffee maker on. And if I ever remember all of the above I will most certainly break the pot before I put the coffee on.

Husband recommended instant coffee for me once. I totally get him on this one.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Relatively annoying

Mother made me angry today. I didn't fight with her because I know it would be in vain but I found myself thinking "geez, if she wouldn't be my mom I wouldn't want to have anything to do with that manipulative person". That's horrible! But then again - we don't get to pick our relatives, they're given to us like it or not. Do we need to like them?

I have a cousin I used to play with as a kid. When she moved nearby later on we started to keep in touch again at some point. I thought it was great and we became friends again. When Son was born my cousin became his godmother. Last year she became a mom herself. We weren't even invited to the christening.

The same thing has happened to me with my other relatives as well. I've made sure that I always invite them which has resulted in a lot of inviting since I throw parties quite often. And our family isn't exactly small either but I've considered keeping in touch as some sort of duty. I realized just couple of months ago that my invitations have never been returned. Weddings, birthdays and graduation parties come and go but we hear about them first afterwards.

So I'm starting to embrace a thought here that my relatives think I'm a pain in the butt. That's fine. I think some of them are a pain in the butt too but I've still kept in touch. Except that I'm not going to do it anymore.

It was a freeing decision. From now on I'll only keep in touch with people who I like and who tend to return my invitations and hospitality. Mother thinks I'm a horrible person for thinking that way. See if I care.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

My winter tyres

I run, it's my thing so I want to carry on even when the winter comes. This fall I finally got myself a pair of proper winter running shoes: waterproof Icebugs that promise for maximum grip.

I've finally gotten to try my new friends and man, they're good! For the last couple of days the weather has been really icy, wet, slushy and everything in between so the shoes have at least had a decent challenge. No problems whatsoever. I've run properly without having my feet wet and without even being near of falling. I can really recommend these babies for anyone who wants to stay on his feet in ice and snow if the sporty look and price of 150 € aren't a problem.

The minor downsides I can come up with:

- small stones get easily stuck in the bottom of the shoe, although they're quite easy to dig out and didn't disturb my running

- you have to be really careful before going out so you don't scratch your floors

- if you need to go somewhere inside with the shoes on they actually work against you: especially on tile floors they're dreadfully slippery. So not a best shoe for a wintery shopping spree.

But otherwise, whee! Last winter I had a two months long running break because of the unhuman winter conditions. This year - screw you master of weather! I've got a treadmill and icebugs!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happier new year


After shooting some fireworks (which Son had waited for months but was eventually too scared to look at so we had to go inside) and putting the kids to bed on New Year's Eve we sat with Husband and waited for midnight. When the year had changed Husband said he wishes for a more relaxed new year. I was silent for a while, then I replied:

It has to be. It has to be.

The thing is - I don't know if I can take one more year equally crap than the last few have been. For four years I have been taking care of the kids and our home basically alone with my own life on hold. Husband has been working and he's still living for work, not working for a living. I've also been carrying our relationhip on my shoulders: it's been my responsibility that there's peace in the house, I've always been the one who settles all the agreements. But I don't want this, I simply don't.

A bit later that evening Husband made a new year's resolution that he will start exercising again. I couldn't come up with anything good for myself, until now: I won't give up yet, not this year. Every new year I've embraced the same hopes about some time with the family, shared responsibility about our relationship and a smoother everyday life. I don't do that anymore, now I believe that nothing will change. Except, one of these days, our relationship status. But not yet, not this year.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Chocolate monster

I never buy any chocolates or other treats for christmas and I rarely bake anything either. Still we end up with loads of chocolate boxes every year that we get as gifts. I like chocolate but it's not my favourite. Candy is. And whenever I eat chocolate I eat way too much.

Every christmas I try to forward the chocolates we get to people who like them more and are able to eat them responsibly. Still we always end up opening at least one box, this year too. Husband doesn't eat chocolate at all so guess who's been emptying the box after the guests left.

Luckily Best Friend threw a new year's party yesterday so I got to dump the still unopened boxes to her. Haha.