Google+ Bree Bronson's Babies: Daddy's at work

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Daddy's at work

Son broke my heart the other day: "I'm sad when daddy's at work". Son gets to be sad a lot in this house. Husband is an entrepreneur and comes home around 8-8.30 in the evening. In other words when it's bedtime for the kids. Often Husband won't see the kids at all before they have gone to bed.

The one suffering most is Son. He is three and would desperately need a dad around to show how to be a guy. I won't obviously do as a male role model and my Father is often the one Son wants and gets to spend time with instead.  I deal with daily temper tantrums when I have to tell Son that I don't know if daddy's coming home today.

I do understand that work is important to Husband. They run a family business that their whole family depends on. What I don't accept is that his own kids (and wife for that matter too) are always the last ones on his priority list. He becomes a huge drama king if something comes up so that he gets to work less (like couple of days ago when he needed to take Daughter to the doctor).

I have confronted Husband about this many times. All my efforts have been less than useless. As soon as I mention the issue (believe me, I've tried dozens of different approaches) the drama king comes along and says how I "make him feel like a criminal about going to work and supporting for the family". And how working around the clock is a necessity because he's an entrepreneur.

I would understand occational urgent projects and such, but the situation has been the same since I met Husband six years ago. It was the same even when he still worked for another company. And Husband is somehow the only one in their family who needs to stay late at work. So projects come and go, Husband has his own business or works for someone else but work is always his priority number one. I can't find words to describe how sad I feel for Son and Daughter. They barely see their dad at all.

Where I have basically given up every bit of my life for kids (work, hobbies, apartment...) Husband has barely adapted his lifestyle at all. And I think the reason for living in the office is not flattering for me: being at work is easier than balancing the daily routines with two wee ones and a tired wife. The current way Husband has to do very little at home which would not be the case if he came home earlier. I would probably be tempted to do the same if we switched roles. And by being the one going to work Husband has much more money than I do. Talk about the amount of power that gives him.

Apart from feeling sorry for the kids the thing I'm most worried about is our common future. Or whether it exists. I'm an underdog now; there's little I can do to make Husband change his lifestyle. But the time will come when I have money of my own and more choices to make. I wouldn't be so sure our marriage will live through that.

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